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Blather Getting Old Sucks House and Home NaBloPoMo

They Came in Through the Bathroom Window

Last week, my husband and I became victims of a crime. As such, he has some thoughts of his own and asked for co-writing privileges. His contributions are indicated in green.

I hit a milestone last week: I managed back-to-back marketing events with nary any pain. I was patting myself on the back Thursday morning for bouncing back from the first one well enough to make the two-and-a-half hour drive to the second one in Santa Ana, when my husband called. As my friends all know, this is not an unusual occurrence: He calls me, often when he’s stuck in traffic somewhere, feeling bored. He usually forgets when I have an appointment somewhere and I have to remind him.

“Hey, I can’t talk right now, I’m doing my event.”

But this wasn’t one of those “I’m bored” calls:

“We’ve been burgled,” he said.

He remembered I was going to be out of the house all day and came home for lunch to check on the dog. What he found was a dog who was soaked amid a puddle of water in the living room. The bedrooms and home office had been ransacked. In the master bathroom, the window screen was mangled and on the floor. It must have been left open, because if it had been closed, the only way someone could enter would be to break it (we know! We locked ourselves out once!) — and it was intact.

“They took my camera and all my equipment,” he said. And as my friends and family all know, to my husband, that was tantamount to a stab in the heart kick in the nuts.

My jewelry box was open. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry (I leave that to my husband) and don’t own much that’s good (and most of what I do have came from my mother and grandmother, so has more sentimental value than anything else).

There was an empty ring box strewn on the bed. It had held an emerald ring I purchased for myself about ten years ago because it was relatively inexpensive and emerald is my birthstone and I always wanted one. I stopped wearing the ring because it gave me a rash on my finger (like I said: it didn’t cost much!). I don’t feel too bad about losing that. But I started thinking about what else might be missing and began a little inventory over the phone. Most of my stuff was safe. I don’t think the culprit(s) knew how to tell the difference between what was real and what was costume.

I ended up leaving my event early: There were plenty of other staffers there to cover for me, and I was unable to focus. My husband took the rest of the afternoon off to wait for the police to come so he could make a report. This time, I was the one calling from the car. All I could think about was how violated we both felt and that I wanted to be home.

Seeing it in person was creepy: Everything from my drawers was spilled out on the floor. My lingerie. My bags and purses. Worse, they rummaged through my daughter’s room and broke a little wicker box that held only a doll and toy tea set. They took her old laptop off a shelf and left it on her bed (obviously after examining it and realizing a 5-year-old Dell wasn’t worth much now).

All in all, we were lucky: Aside from the camera bag and the ring, all they took was one gold earring. I can’t imagine why they took one and not the pair, but the police speculated that my husband may have interrupted them when he entered our home through the garage. We also know that our dog probably saved us from losing anything from the main part of the house: It was obvious that they were dousing him with water from the cats’ dish in an attempt to get past the barrier we use to separate our canine and felines. No animals were harmed in this burglary. No real damage was done to our property. The camera and equipment can be replaced. It’s a financial hit we don’t need, but fixing that is relatively easy.

What’s harder to replace is our sense of safety and security. My first thought was to blame myself: For two months, I’ve been home nearly 24/7, recovering from abdominal surgery, with my car parked in our driveway… and almost the minute I was out of the house for longer than an hour, this happened. We spent the weekend looking at options to make our home more secure, and we will.

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to become that little old lady with bars on the windows, who is afraid to leave the house. I want to be able to come and go as I please. I want us to feel comfortable taking a vacation once in a while. I have always imagined our golden years traveling the world and I refuse to allow that world to shrink to the confines of our home. But right now, we’re going to give ourselves permission to feel a little bit paranoid.

“Are you leaving the house today?” my husband asked this morning.

Yes. I have some errands to run, including taking the dog in for a booster shot. YES, THE HOUSE WILL BE DOG-FREE FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.

My husband went to work as usual – but took some of our stuff with him. Just in case. As he left, his parting words to the robbers were: “I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.” He has a way with words.

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Blather NaBloPoMo

NaBloPoMo LOL: Exercise for Unused Muscles

nablopomo_novemberI knew it was going to be ridiculously tough for me to post daily this month – but hope springs eternal, so I signed up for NaBloPoMo anyway. I started out strong and petered out before the first week was up.

But instead of declaring, “I failed, I can’t do this, I quit” — I’m forging ahead. I may not complete November with 30 daily posts… but I’m going to contribute what I can and feel good about getting back into the habit again.

Blogging after taking such a long time off is a lot like physical exercise: It’s hard to get back in the habit, and even harder to do it well at first.

It’s kind of like what I’m experiencing with my body, post-surgery.

I know you’re probably tired of hearing about this. Believe me, I’m tired of experiencing it — but right now, recovering from this thing is about all I can think about. I knew it would kick my ass — I just didn’t know it would kick my ass THIS MUCH or for THIS LONG. Before I went in, they estimated a six week recovery. I’m two weeks past that, and while I’m probably up to 80% back now… getting to 100 is a lot harder than I expected.

And getting to a point where I feel fit is something that will take a very long time (since I was far from that point when this whole ordeal started).

I’m still in pain. It’s not unbearable — just enough to remind me that things aren’t back to normal yet.

I started driving again last week – just short jaunts to the post office and the supermarket. You know, I thought it was kind of silly to be banned from getting behind the wheel for such a long time (especially when there were no limits on being a passenger), but driving is shockingly painful right now.

On Saturday, I decided it was time to start getting some exercise. I walked the dog with my husband, and later in the day we met friends for a stroll through historic Centinela Park. About halfway through, my sides began to hurt. By the time we got back in the car, FitBit reported that I’d walked a whopping 8,000 steps that day (not even close to the minimal pre-surgery goal of 10,000 a day).

I overdid it. My friends who are more experienced with surgery warned me that would happen; that it’s hard to tell where to cross the line of over-exertion until it’s already been crossed — especially when the mark is so low.

I was wiped. And it was so bad that I spent most of Sunday resting up from it.

This is not good. We are planning to visit family over the holidays, and I need to be able to handle a lot more than this without winding up in bed for the following day. I mean, right now, I don’t think I could get through an airport terminal without feeling fatigued. This cannot be.

I figure I have a month to get myself strong again. I see a parallel with NaBloPoMo — I’m just going to consolidate the whole thing and call what I’m doing NaBloPoWaExMo (National Blog Posting/Walking/Exercising Month, a regimen for body and mind).

And so yesterday, after putting in nearly a full day of work at home, I tried again – just on a smaller scale, with a walk around the block: 3,868 steps. And this morning, I drove myself to a nearby park and walked a mile loop (4,052 steps).

I hurt again. I guess this is something I’m just going to have to push through and live with for a while.

 

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Blather Getting Old Sucks NaBloPoMo

I Blame Menopause

nablopomo_novemberMy mind is a jumble this afternoon, which has become my go-to state… and is one of the reasons I find it so tough to write these days.

I blame menopause.

I find myself blaming menopause for everything that goes wrong in my life: I blame it for my mood swings, my uncontrollable weight gain, and my inability to focus on anything for more than 10 minutes at a time.

I blame it for my recent hysterectomy, which you might not think fair. After all, it took decades for my uterine fibroids to swell my womb to the size of a small turkey. (Yes! That was how my doctor described it the morning after she and the oncologist removed it from my body. Go ahead and think about that in a couple of weeks while you’re shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. How would you like to be walking around with something that size inside of you? Fortunately, all of my growths were benign. They were the size of grapefruits, but harmless nonetheless.)

They were already pretty large when my doctor started monitoring them. She actually wanted to take the whole works out from the start, but I wasn’t ready for that. I knew the surgery would mean several weeks of recovery, and at the time, my daughter was only 13. I couldn’t take that time off. How would she get to school? So we adopted the wait-and-see approach. The fibroids were supposed to shrink after my body stopped producing estrogen. Instead, they kept on going — which alarmed my doctor a lot more than me. And she refused to prescribe any kind of HRT to help alleviate the hot flashes and night sweats and other indignities I’ve began to endure once my periods stopped.

The one symptom I actually wanted from menopause (the shrinking of the fibroids) was the one thing I didn’t get. Therefore, I think it’s fair to blame menopause for my surgery, after all.

A lot of people told me I would feel so much better after my hysterectomy, because all of my symptoms would be gone. But after menopause, I had no symptoms. The only time they bothered me was when I had to go to my doctor’s office to get an ultrasound.

It’s a funny thing about ultrasounds at the OB/GYN: When I was pregnant, I couldn’t wait for them. I paid attention to what was on the screen and was excited to see how much my baby had grown. I asked for printouts and proudly showed them off to my friends before sticking them to the fridge with a magnet.

Getting an ultrasound when you’re not pregnant is a completely different experience. If you’re not pregnant and you’re getting one, that’s a sign that things are not good. The technician working the wand barely talked to me, just grunting periodically while she measured the growths. And frankly, I didn’t care to have any conversation with her. I had to drink a gallon of water immediately before coming in. All I could think of during these ultrasounds was how much I needed to pee.

It never occurred to me while I was getting those ultrasounds that my body was behaving abnormally. Of COURSE, the fibroids were shrinking, because that’s what they were supposed to do. And each time the doctor told me, I was shocked.

I blame menopause for that, too – even though that’s probably my own fault.

Yesterday, I went in for my second post-op visit. She was happy to hear that I’m feeling a lot stronger and have stopped taking the painkillers — although I do get a little achy in my abdomen by the end of the day.

“That’s your organs rearranging themselves,” she told me.

Again, we’re back to the image of the turkey. With my uterus taking up all the real estate in there, the rest of my organs were doubling up. With the turkey gone, it’s like they’ve got all this extra room — and they’re figuring out where to hang. I recounted this theory to my daughter when she called this afternoon. She didn’t appreciate it.

Anyway:  the doctor said I still have a little way to go before I can resume all of my normal activities (even though it’s been seven weeks, the size of the thing meant additional incisions that have yet to fully heal). I did get the go-ahead to drive short distances, which means my period of house arrest is finally coming to an end. As for physical exercise, I am OK to start walking and can add more strenuous activities as I feel better.

And she gave me some HRT samples to see if we can do something about my hot flashes, discomfort and general fuzziness.

So my friends were right: I just may start feeling better.

 

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Blather Empty Nest NaBloPoMo

Re-Entry

NaBloPoMo November 2014My sister had planned to visit me this weekend, but the weather got in the way. Don’t get me wrong: we’re both really happy to see the state get a little rain — but we’re both smart enough to know that driving on wet roads in this state can be treacherous, especially during the first storm after months and months of hot and dry weather, which tends to make the asphalt all the more slippery.

Besides, the only thing worse than driving alone on the 5 from Sacramento to Los Angeles is doing it in inclement weather. So I supported my sister’s decision to stay home last night. Instead, we talked: about how relieved she was that she didn’t have to worry about the dog she would have left in the care of a friend… and how lonely it’s going to be over the next two weeks while she has her house all to herself.

“I really haven’t adjusted to the empty nest,” she said. And that makes a lot of sense: Even though the youngest of her three children is now a sophomore at UCSC, the other two have periodically cycled back home a few times… so her nest has never really been all that empty. Until now.

I haven’t adjusted to mine, either. How could I? After we left our daughter at her dorm back in August, I immediately went into preparation mode for my hysterectomy and have spent the last six weeks recovering from that. The surgery took a lot more out of me than I expected it would. While the pain wasn’t all that debilitating after the first week, I was surprised at how fatigued I was. I had no problem at all following my doctor’s order to take a daily nap. I had even fewer issues with the admonition to let my husband do all the heavy lifting and housework.

But after six weeks of near-isolation, I’m slowly beginning to re-enter the world. I work at home and a couple of weeks ago, began putting in half days. I had to: we had an event on Tuesday that needed to be managed, and by golly — I did so, even though I needed to rely on others to get there and I wound up spending all of Wednesday in bed. It was a start.

I expect my re-entry will accelerate after Monday, when I expect my doctor to give me permission to drive again. Once I get the OK, I won’t have to be confined to the house… and I’ll be able to resume normal activities.

The problem is, I’m not sure what those are any longer.

For 18 years, my life was dictated by the needs of my daughter. My days were planned around HER schedule: I piggybacked shopping and errands and socializing around school drop-off and pick-up and playdates and athletics. And now…?

My re-entry consists of finding a reason to leave the house.

My re-entry needs to be social: I am going to have to plan coffee dates and lunches the same way I used to meticulously put together playdates and classes when my daughter was little.

My re-entry needs to be physical: Menopause has kicked my butt and made it large. I need to force myself to be active. I’m probably not going to be able to handle strenuous exercise just yet, but I think my doctor will applaud a commitment to make sure I get some walking in each day. After that… who knows? Maybe I’ll join a gym again, or maybe I’ll just take some classes. I used to like to dance — maybe I’ll try that.

My re-entry needs to be personal: For a long time, I was a committed blogger — and then, I stopped. Part of that was pressure from family, who did not like it when I shared their stories. I understand that and adjusted the way I wrote and the things I wrote about, but I never could understand exactly where to draw the line. It was easier just to stop trying.

And once I landed the client that keeps me busy working on marketing events, writing for myself took a back seat to activities that pay the bills. The thing is, during those years when I was a stay-at-home mom focused on raising a child, I credited this blog with keeping me sane. I think now that my child is all grown up and on her own most of the year, I need this outlet more than ever.

So on a whim, I decided to commit to this month’s NaBloPoMo activity and today – November 1 – is my first entry. I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it through the entire month. I’m a slow writer and have two more events this month, which means that some of my posts may be no longer than a Facebook status update. The Thanksgiving holiday weekend will also be a challenge, because with all that family around it’s hard to find the solitude I need to put my thoughts out there. I’m not even sure I can write that well any longer — it’s been such a long time since I’ve done so consistently.

But I am sure I need to re-enter the world. And this is a start.